Wednesday, August 16, 2006

bodily improvements ...

a certain well- known doctor in the 90210 area...

Fat Girl Slim: please let this be a miracle cream...

not me, but I think it could be...

this IS me, wanting a set of Angelina-ish, puffier lips...

who needs a lip implant when we have the Too Faced Lip Injection Kit?

Recently I went to visit a very well known plastic surgeon. It was none other than Dr. 90210 himself, Dr. Rey. I accompanied a friend- a certain celebrity and I won't name names- to see the good doc for her consultation. Not that I didn't go in with a mental laundry list of all the things I wanted done. Where to start? We don't have all day so I will spare you the details of my own aesthetic shortcomings.

There is a four hour wait to see him, I'm not exaggerating. An 11 o'clock appointment turned into a 3 o'clock appointment. This is common we were told by a very buxom office girl who brought us paper cups of Coke while we waited.

He swooped in wearing a pinstriped suit like the guy in the Mentos commercial who rolls around on a freshly painted park bench and ends up with white stripes all over his black suit. Under the stripes he wore a vivid pink pin-striped shirt (more stripes) with a hot pink tie and coordinating hankerchief hanging out of his pocket. Dr. Rey is exactly like his persona on television, quite the friendly showman!

I enjoyed picking out my own set of breast implants as he chatted with my friend and showed us photos of befores and afters. I had no problem sticking the squishy bags down my shirt when he wasn't looking. Just for fun. Should I mention how he was admiring himself in the large mirror behind us?

Plastic surgery and tens of thousands of dollars aside, there are short- cuts to getting the results you want. Products you can use to fake it. Yeah, I fake it. It was Lucky beauty editor Jean Godfrey-June who mentioned using self tanner to disguise those awful lumps, the much hated cellulite. I've been faithfully using my Fat Girl Slim by Bliss to combat this horror. If only we woman could accept ourselves as we are...

I've tried Avon and L'Oreal cellulite reduction creams and unfortunately, no luck. I read that deep massage aids in getting rid of the lumpy pockets of fat. So I began voilently rubbing and kneading like I was in a dough making contest and my life depending on winning. Black and blue marks all over my thighs and butt ensued.

I'm giving the Bliss cream a shot, I think it's improving my upper legs. It's worth a try, right? Along with daily exercise of course.

And who needs a lip implant or a painful shot of collagen when you can simply use the lip plumping kit from Too Faced? Save yourself time and money and the possible side effect of a lopsided pucker and apply Lip Injection daily. I've been using the kit and you know what? It works. I love the tingling sensation and my lips are super soft and smooth. One kiss from me and you'll see what I mean.

Now, if only technology could come up with a cream, lotion or plumping kit for the chest...then we'd be in business.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where's all the fashion?

I'm dying to revamp my fall wardrobe and I need some great tips, but all I see is makeup.


11:23 AM  
Blogger blogger said...

Complete range of Urban Decay Makeup including Urban Decay Eye Shadow, Urban Decay Lipstick, Urban Decay Mascara, Urban Decay Lip Gloss and many other Urban Decay Makeup Products.

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Ambrose said...

Here, I don't really believe this will work.
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7:15 PM  

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